Request Brian/Eminem

[turps33.livejournal.com]

I'd like to request Brian/Eminem.

Think about it. Eminem teaching Brian how to rap, in return Brian teaching him how to chair dance. They could bicker as they make a joint album, fighting over what constitutes swearing and the ratio of cheesy to offensive lyrics. A fight that, of course, ends in sex.

Thank you to anyone that considers it :)

Comments

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

I want to say thank you for requesting it, LOL.

Now to fight the bunnies...

[bubbleforest.livejournal.com]

Oh, Terri, I think I love you. <33333333

I'm so gonna have to give this a try.

[nopseud]

I'm afraid this only fulfils part of the request, but here it is.

***

"It's career suicide," AJ said. "No, wait, it's way better than that. It's, like, a career suicide pact."

Howie stopped pacing the length of the studio. "It's a career massacre. His, Eminiem's and ours."

"Maybe...it wouldn't be so bad with a different album title?" Nick suggested, doubtfully.

"Yes, it would," Howie said, "because the lyrics would still be the same."

"And anyway, okay, I gotta admit I like the title," AJ said. "Welcome Home, Motherfuckers. Punchy. Memorable. Hey, do you think we'd have gotten more sales if instead of Never Gone, we'd called it Never Gone, Assholes?"

"AJ. This isn't helping," Howie said. "Focus. And please, don't ever say that to Brian. The last thing he needs right now is encouragement."

"I wasn't gonna tell him, don't worry. Just...you gotta admit, it is pretty damn cool. If you're gonna collaborate on a hip hop-Christian rock album."

"Or if you're clinically insane," Howie said bitterly. "We're so screwed."

"Should we call Kevin in?" Nick suggested. "'Cause, you know, cousins. And maybe a touch of scary wouldn't be bad right now."

"I think it's a little bit late for that," Howie said. "If that album title didn't scare him, I don't think Kev is gonna work. We should've done something about it when they started hanging out together."

AJ snorted. "Like what? Set a curfew?"

"Yeah, okay, I'm not sure exactly what, but—" Howie raised his eyebrows. "Brian? And Eminem? Maybe he's having some kind of breakdown."

"Which one of them?" Nick asked.

"Both? Huh. Maybe we could get him committed to a hospital. Or rehab."

"I guess one more isn't gonna hurt," AJ said. "Although I think you're being harsh. We only listened to the first track, and it was kinda catchy. Maybe we should check out the rest."

"No. This is a new shirt and I don't wanna start bleeding from the ears." Howie stared at the mockup album cover and hand-labelled CD lying on the studio desk. "At least it isn't officially announced, yet. There's still time to call a couple doctors, see what our options are. Where is Brian, anyway?"

"He left a message on my phone, said he was just leaving the house," Nick said, "but he had to stop to pick something up on the way."

"A couple hos and some blunts?"

"AJ," Howie said through gritted teeth.

"I think he mentioned dry-cleaning, but maybe that was just a code." Nick picked up the CD, pulled out a laser-printed booklet, and flipped through. "Marshall's a strong guy," he read slowly. "Man, this print is tiny. He had a hard time growing up—harder than I can imagine, blessed as I have been with comfortable circumstances and a loving family. And as a result of those experiences he has a lot of issues, and he's made some bad choices, but he isn't a bad person. And despite our very different lives, we have a lot in common—he loves his kids and he wants the best for them, like me and like any parent. It was a pleasure and a privilege to collaborate with him. And oh, hey, look. The proceeds from the album go to help set up a charity promoting harmony in the music industry."

"Shouldn't we have that already?" AJ asked. "Harmony? Isn't that what we do?"

"No, I think it means, like, rappers shooting each other and stuff. Stopping it, not encouraging it. That's good, right?"

Howie ran his hand through his hair. "No! No that's not good. That just makes it sound like it really is Brian, which means I wasn't hallucinating when I head him rapping Come to Jesus, bitches."