popslash_lollipops | Request Brian/Eminem

I'd like to request Brian/Eminem.

Think about it. Eminem teaching Brian how to rap, in return Brian teaching him how to chair dance. They could bicker as they make a joint album, fighting over what constitutes swearing and the ratio of cheesy to offensive lyrics. A fight that, of course, ends in sex.

Thank you to anyone that considers it :)

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

From:

call-me-loca.livejournal.com

I want to say thank you for requesting it, LOL.

Now to fight the bunnies...

From:

turps33.livejournal.com

Loca! It's a pairing of win.

You know you want to write it!

From:

nopseud

Don't fight! SURRENDER TO THE BUNNIES! EMINEM WANTS YOU TO!

From:

trumpeterofdoom.livejournal.com

I knew you'd be here! :D

From:

nopseud

Hee! But, dude. Brian/Eminem. How could I not be here?

From:

bubbleforest.livejournal.com

Oh, Terri, I think I love you. <33333333

I'm so gonna have to give this a try.

From:

turps33.livejournal.com

Mette!

I have such glee right now!

From:

pixiebeanz.livejournal.com

An odd, but very intriguing pairing!

I'm quite excited to see what you'll come up with now!

From:

nopseud

I keep checking back. Where is the fic, Mette? WHERE? It's been a WHOLE DAY!

From:

bubbleforest.livejournal.com

It is the challenge of my life, A. :O Tomorrow! By god it will be up tomorrow!

From:

nopseud

You are awesome! \o/

From:

nopseud

I'm afraid this only fulfils part of the request, but here it is.

***

"It's career suicide," AJ said. "No, wait, it's way better than that. It's, like, a career suicide pact."

Howie stopped pacing the length of the studio. "It's a career massacre. His, Eminiem's and ours."

"Maybe...it wouldn't be so bad with a different album title?" Nick suggested, doubtfully.

"Yes, it would," Howie said, "because the lyrics would still be the same."

"And anyway, okay, I gotta admit I like the title," AJ said. "Welcome Home, Motherfuckers. Punchy. Memorable. Hey, do you think we'd have gotten more sales if instead of Never Gone, we'd called it Never Gone, Assholes?"

"AJ. This isn't helping," Howie said. "Focus. And please, don't ever say that to Brian. The last thing he needs right now is encouragement."

"I wasn't gonna tell him, don't worry. Just...you gotta admit, it is pretty damn cool. If you're gonna collaborate on a hip hop-Christian rock album."

"Or if you're clinically insane," Howie said bitterly. "We're so screwed."

"Should we call Kevin in?" Nick suggested. "'Cause, you know, cousins. And maybe a touch of scary wouldn't be bad right now."

"I think it's a little bit late for that," Howie said. "If that album title didn't scare him, I don't think Kev is gonna work. We should've done something about it when they started hanging out together."

AJ snorted. "Like what? Set a curfew?"

"Yeah, okay, I'm not sure exactly what, but—" Howie raised his eyebrows. "Brian? And Eminem? Maybe he's having some kind of breakdown."

"Which one of them?" Nick asked.

"Both? Huh. Maybe we could get him committed to a hospital. Or rehab."

"I guess one more isn't gonna hurt," AJ said. "Although I think you're being harsh. We only listened to the first track, and it was kinda catchy. Maybe we should check out the rest."

"No. This is a new shirt and I don't wanna start bleeding from the ears." Howie stared at the mockup album cover and hand-labelled CD lying on the studio desk. "At least it isn't officially announced, yet. There's still time to call a couple doctors, see what our options are. Where is Brian, anyway?"

"He left a message on my phone, said he was just leaving the house," Nick said, "but he had to stop to pick something up on the way."

"A couple hos and some blunts?"

"AJ," Howie said through gritted teeth.

"I think he mentioned dry-cleaning, but maybe that was just a code." Nick picked up the CD, pulled out a laser-printed booklet, and flipped through. "Marshall's a strong guy," he read slowly. "Man, this print is tiny. He had a hard time growing up—harder than I can imagine, blessed as I have been with comfortable circumstances and a loving family. And as a result of those experiences he has a lot of issues, and he's made some bad choices, but he isn't a bad person. And despite our very different lives, we have a lot in common—he loves his kids and he wants the best for them, like me and like any parent. It was a pleasure and a privilege to collaborate with him. And oh, hey, look. The proceeds from the album go to help set up a charity promoting harmony in the music industry."

"Shouldn't we have that already?" AJ asked. "Harmony? Isn't that what we do?"

"No, I think it means, like, rappers shooting each other and stuff. Stopping it, not encouraging it. That's good, right?"

Howie ran his hand through his hair. "No! No that's not good. That just makes it sound like it really is Brian, which means I wasn't hallucinating when I head him rapping Come to Jesus, bitches."

From:

nopseud

The door opened in a way that was somehow jaunty.

"Morning, y'all! Sorry I'm late." Brian dropped a bag on the desk, on top of the CD. "I brought coffee and everyone's favourite donuts to make up for it. And Nick, I picked up some fresh fruit for you, so don't start about carbs, and AJ, I even got the special latte with the—" He looked between them. "Wow. Serious faces. What's up, guys?"

"What's up?" Howie snatched the booklet from Nick and waved it in Brian's face. "What's up?"

"Oh, that's where I left it!" He shifted the coffees and donuts to the side. "Yeah, of course, I emptied my bag out on the desk last night right before I went home, looking for gum. Man, I should've thought of that, instead of turning the house upside down. So, y'all listen to any of it? What did y'all think?"

Howie made a sound oddly suggestive of a bat in pain.

Brian's face fell. "You didn't like it?"

"I think it's fly!" AJ said. "And to be honest, I'm kinda looking forwards to spending more time with the dogs, once you've flushed our careers down the toilet."

"But it's for charity!" Brian looked between them. "I'm gonna use one of the tracks for my solo slot in the next tour, I think. Marshall thought that would be good—like, maybe heal some of the rifts between pop and hip hop. And he's gonna do the same. I said I'd teach him how to do the chair dance."

Howie moaned.

"Brian, man," Nick said. "You can't. I mean, I know we support each other in our solo projects and shit, and it's for a good cause, really, I get that, and I'm not saying the music's bad, either, just—dude. Dude."

"Oh. Right, I see." Brian frowned, mouth turned down.

Howie shifted uncomfortably. "Brian. I'm sorry, we just...it's kind of not what we were expecting. And we all feel—"

"Oh, no," AJ said. "You don't get to hand this off to the rest of us. You're the one with his panties in a bunch."

Brian sighed. "No, it's okay. I guess I was hoping for more support, that's all. I guess—" Suddenly, his mournful expression cracked into a grin, and he slapped the table, hard. "Ha!" He drew his breath in with a whoop of laughter. "Oh, boy. Oh, that's—y'all thought I was serious, didn't you? For real? Hah! Marshall owes me a sundae."

"What?" Howie said.

"Guys." Brian looked around the room. "Did no one check the calendar this morning?"

The wall calender in the studio showed the wrong month. The page hadn't been turned over, yet, because yesterday had been the last day of March.

"Oh, you fucker," Nick said, and laughed. "No, you motherfucker. Man, that was epic!"

AJ coughed. "Wow, I didn't notice the date at all."

"Oh, Jesus." Howie sat down on the arm of the couch. "Jesus. Brian, you have no idea how—I swear, I aged ten years when I heard that first track."

"Well, maybe that'll teach you to treat creativity with respect and open-mindedness, Howard—all the other tracks are just loops of me and Marshall laughing our asses off in the studio." Brian pulled out his cell and flipped it open. "Look, I'll make it up to you. You wanna listen over the phone while Marshall pitches to his guys? He's got the other version, the one where we duet Amazing Grace, and between verses he repents all his previous lyrics and promises he's never gonna swear again."

***
***

p.s. Mette! WHERE IS YOUR STORY!?

From:

turps33.livejournal.com

You posted it!

I love you!

And really hope this is a start of the Brian/Eminem movement.

THANK YOU!

From:

nopseud

My pleasure!

And two is a movement, right? Because I'm still waiting for Mette's Brian/Eminem. She promised us!

From:

rikes

AHAHAHAHAHAHA! Brilliant! I love this line especially:

"Should we call Kevin in?" Nick suggested. "'Cause, you know, cousins. And maybe a touch of scary wouldn't be bad right now."

Also, I am DUMB, for I didn't for a minute suspect it could be an april fools joke.

From:

nopseud

I wrote it after Terri posted the request, and then I realised it was almost April and I've been sitting on my hands making myself wait to post it today :-)

Glad you liked it!