It turned out hella long and I had to put it into two comments, so ... I hope this is what you wanted. Otherwise, eeep! *LOL*
Nick was usually a pretty heavy sleeper, but tonight the sound of cabinet doors closing and bare feet padding across the floor woke him up with a jolt. He lay still for a moment, slowly waking up and remembering where he was, when the noises picked up again. Frowning, he crawled out of the bunk AJ had as a spare on the bus for him to use, grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and threw it on, eyelids still drooping. Yawning and rubbing his eyes, he walked the five steps it took him to get to the kitchenette.
"What are you doing?" he asked, voice gravelly with sleep.
AJ turned around in a flash, startled, and said in a hushed tone, "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
Nick caught the panic in his voice, and froze. "What are you doing?" he asked again, voice firmer this time.
"I'm not doing anything, for fuck's sake," AJ snapped, voice low to keep the driver from listening.
"There's nothing here, AJ. Nothing. Not even cough syrup. All right?"
AJ stopped in his tracks and stared at Nick, mouth unmoving for quite some time. "I was looking for something to eat," he said slowly, opening a cabinet and taking out a pop tart. He walked right past him to get the small sitting area as he opened the small package. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, though. Really. Great to have you around, Nick."
No, you weren't, was all Nick could think as he followed him and sat down next to the other man. "You're shaking," he said instead, and wanted to kick himself as soon as the words were out. AJ glanced at him briefly, still idly playing with the wrapping on his pop tart.
Nick sighed and pulled his legs up against himself, wrapping his arms around them. He knew this was going to happen eventually. When AJ had asked him to ride on his bus with him overnight, he knew they couldn't spend all that time talking about soundchecks and video games. "Wanna talk about it?" he mumbled. This time AJ's gaze on him lingered and he quirked an eyebrow in surprise.
Nick knew why, of course. He wasn't the go-to guy. He got uncomfortable when people told him about their problems. He never had anything helpful to offer, and always ended up suggesting a game of some sort to get their mind off of things. Those who were closest to him knew that that was how he offered his support.
But when AJ nodded reluctantly, Nick knew he could help this time. He could be useful.
"I just ... I don't think I can do it," AJ said, and the smile he offered was the most tragic thing Nick had ever seen. "I don't, and I feel like a shit for saying it, but I want that fucking drink so much. Just one. That's what keeps running through my head. 'Just one, and you wouldn't touch it again.' But it's bullshit. No one's that strong."
Nick nodded, eyes fixed on his knees, tracing the tiny scar he'd gotten after falling off his bike when he was eight. "You haven't ... I mean, you haven't ... have you?"
"No," AJ said, voice raspy. "But I might. Which scares the shit out of me, let me tell you." He let out a hollow laugh, then stopped abruptly, taking in a shaky breath. "I still count days, you know. 65 days sober. 66, actually, it's after midnight. I'm supposed to think that's a big deal, right?"
"It is," Nick replied quietly.
In his peripheral vision, he could see AJ watching him silently. He turned his head to rest against his knees and looked back, feeling something snap between them. Something vital.
"I don't think I really understood at first," he continued softly. "How hard it's been for you. And I got so close to fucking up just as badly as you did, you know that, and it doesn't seem fair that you going through rehab was what pulled me out of all that shit, but it did and I'm ... grateful." He laughed nervously. "I don't even know how I got started. It just seemed so natural, before, to go out with you and drink and maybe get high once or twice, because you did it, and. Well, I've pretty much done what you do my entire life, so ... it made sense."
no subject
Nick was usually a pretty heavy sleeper, but tonight the sound of cabinet doors closing and bare feet padding across the floor woke him up with a jolt. He lay still for a moment, slowly waking up and remembering where he was, when the noises picked up again. Frowning, he crawled out of the bunk AJ had as a spare on the bus for him to use, grabbed his t-shirt from the floor and threw it on, eyelids still drooping. Yawning and rubbing his eyes, he walked the five steps it took him to get to the kitchenette.
"What are you doing?" he asked, voice gravelly with sleep.
AJ turned around in a flash, startled, and said in a hushed tone, "Nothing. Go back to sleep."
Nick caught the panic in his voice, and froze. "What are you doing?" he asked again, voice firmer this time.
"I'm not doing anything, for fuck's sake," AJ snapped, voice low to keep the driver from listening.
"There's nothing here, AJ. Nothing. Not even cough syrup. All right?"
AJ stopped in his tracks and stared at Nick, mouth unmoving for quite some time. "I was looking for something to eat," he said slowly, opening a cabinet and taking out a pop tart. He walked right past him to get the small sitting area as he opened the small package. "Thanks for the vote of confidence, though. Really. Great to have you around, Nick."
No, you weren't, was all Nick could think as he followed him and sat down next to the other man. "You're shaking," he said instead, and wanted to kick himself as soon as the words were out. AJ glanced at him briefly, still idly playing with the wrapping on his pop tart.
Nick sighed and pulled his legs up against himself, wrapping his arms around them. He knew this was going to happen eventually. When AJ had asked him to ride on his bus with him overnight, he knew they couldn't spend all that time talking about soundchecks and video games. "Wanna talk about it?" he mumbled. This time AJ's gaze on him lingered and he quirked an eyebrow in surprise.
Nick knew why, of course. He wasn't the go-to guy. He got uncomfortable when people told him about their problems. He never had anything helpful to offer, and always ended up suggesting a game of some sort to get their mind off of things. Those who were closest to him knew that that was how he offered his support.
But when AJ nodded reluctantly, Nick knew he could help this time. He could be useful.
"I just ... I don't think I can do it," AJ said, and the smile he offered was the most tragic thing Nick had ever seen. "I don't, and I feel like a shit for saying it, but I want that fucking drink so much. Just one. That's what keeps running through my head. 'Just one, and you wouldn't touch it again.' But it's bullshit. No one's that strong."
Nick nodded, eyes fixed on his knees, tracing the tiny scar he'd gotten after falling off his bike when he was eight. "You haven't ... I mean, you haven't ... have you?"
"No," AJ said, voice raspy. "But I might. Which scares the shit out of me, let me tell you." He let out a hollow laugh, then stopped abruptly, taking in a shaky breath. "I still count days, you know. 65 days sober. 66, actually, it's after midnight. I'm supposed to think that's a big deal, right?"
"It is," Nick replied quietly.
In his peripheral vision, he could see AJ watching him silently. He turned his head to rest against his knees and looked back, feeling something snap between them. Something vital.
"I don't think I really understood at first," he continued softly. "How hard it's been for you. And I got so close to fucking up just as badly as you did, you know that, and it doesn't seem fair that you going through rehab was what pulled me out of all that shit, but it did and I'm ... grateful." He laughed nervously. "I don't even know how I got started. It just seemed so natural, before, to go out with you and drink and maybe get high once or twice, because you did it, and. Well, I've pretty much done what you do my entire life, so ... it made sense."