"Nick," AJ said, looking startled and angry all at once.
"No, wait, let me finish," he said quickly, heart almost pounding through his chest by this point. "You were an asshole, all right? I hated how you went out of your way to make everyone miserable. But I was like that, too. I just didn't see it. I said so much stupid shit to you, just to hurt you, and it was so goddamn hypocritical, all of it." He paused, and took a deep breath. "My point is that ... you're much stronger than I am, AJ, you're gonna stay clean and I'm gonna help you, because I didn't help you before and-"
The words got caught in his throat, somehow, and he looked up at AJ who was sitting very still, eyes very wide, and fists clenched very tight. "You - how dare you--?"
Nick swallowed, vision blurring in what he could only assume was silent panic, and leaned forward until his lips pressed against AJ's, making a little noise even he wasn't sure what meant. The other man froze and his hands flew up to press against Nick's chest, but at least he wasn't pushing him away just yet, and Nick hesitantly reached up a hand to rest against AJ's cheek, lightly, so lightly, relishing in feel of the scruffy hairs and smooth skin and full lips that he'd missed beyond his own imagination.
But AJ wasn't responding, and after a while Nick reluctantly pulled away just enough to see the confusion in the other man's eyes. He closed his own and pressed his forehead to AJ's with a deep sigh.
For a while, there was nothing except the sound of their breathing.
"I-" AJ's voice had gone raspy again. "I thought you said-"
"I'm sorry I didn't come visit you," Nick whispered brokenly, holding both AJ's shoulders tight in his hands. "I'm sorry I said those things to you before you left, those horrible things, I hate the word 'fag', I do, I didn't mean it, oh God, I really, really want you, I was just freaked out and I'm sorry, AJ, please."
AJ's breathing had gone ragged, and he reached out to cup Nick's head in his hands before kissing him. "I know," he whispered into Nick's mouth. "I know, I know, it's okay, I'm sorry, too."
Nick returned the kiss hungrily, hands sliding from AJ's shoulders and down his sides and up under his wifebeater, roaming bare skin with almost feverish determination. He was getting lightheaded, wanting everything all at once but not being able to stop kissing AJ, ever ever again.
Finally, when his lungs were burning with need for oxygen, he wrenched away and gasped for air, mouth still only inches away from AJ's who was struggling to breathe just as hard.
"I want to," he said, gulping in more air before he continued, "help you."
AJ blinked a few times, and he was so close that Nick was sure he could see every eyelash flutter. Still breathing heavily, he planted a few chaste kisses on Nick's lips and grinned, if not a little nervously, at least genuinely.
"I haven't thought about drinking for at least half an hour," he said. "You're already helping."
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"No, wait, let me finish," he said quickly, heart almost pounding through his chest by this point. "You were an asshole, all right? I hated how you went out of your way to make everyone miserable. But I was like that, too. I just didn't see it. I said so much stupid shit to you, just to hurt you, and it was so goddamn hypocritical, all of it." He paused, and took a deep breath. "My point is that ... you're much stronger than I am, AJ, you're gonna stay clean and I'm gonna help you, because I didn't help you before and-"
The words got caught in his throat, somehow, and he looked up at AJ who was sitting very still, eyes very wide, and fists clenched very tight. "You - how dare you--?"
Nick swallowed, vision blurring in what he could only assume was silent panic, and leaned forward until his lips pressed against AJ's, making a little noise even he wasn't sure what meant. The other man froze and his hands flew up to press against Nick's chest, but at least he wasn't pushing him away just yet, and Nick hesitantly reached up a hand to rest against AJ's cheek, lightly, so lightly, relishing in feel of the scruffy hairs and smooth skin and full lips that he'd missed beyond his own imagination.
But AJ wasn't responding, and after a while Nick reluctantly pulled away just enough to see the confusion in the other man's eyes. He closed his own and pressed his forehead to AJ's with a deep sigh.
For a while, there was nothing except the sound of their breathing.
"I-" AJ's voice had gone raspy again. "I thought you said-"
"I'm sorry I didn't come visit you," Nick whispered brokenly, holding both AJ's shoulders tight in his hands. "I'm sorry I said those things to you before you left, those horrible things, I hate the word 'fag', I do, I didn't mean it, oh God, I really, really want you, I was just freaked out and I'm sorry, AJ, please."
AJ's breathing had gone ragged, and he reached out to cup Nick's head in his hands before kissing him. "I know," he whispered into Nick's mouth. "I know, I know, it's okay, I'm sorry, too."
Nick returned the kiss hungrily, hands sliding from AJ's shoulders and down his sides and up under his wifebeater, roaming bare skin with almost feverish determination. He was getting lightheaded, wanting everything all at once but not being able to stop kissing AJ, ever ever again.
Finally, when his lungs were burning with need for oxygen, he wrenched away and gasped for air, mouth still only inches away from AJ's who was struggling to breathe just as hard.
"I want to," he said, gulping in more air before he continued, "help you."
AJ blinked a few times, and he was so close that Nick was sure he could see every eyelash flutter. Still breathing heavily, he planted a few chaste kisses on Nick's lips and grinned, if not a little nervously, at least genuinely.
"I haven't thought about drinking for at least half an hour," he said. "You're already helping."