*headdesk*headdesk*

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Am having the crappiest crap day ever and some schmoopy TrickC (at home, with BBQ and a lovely day is a good start but friends or no, you pick) would be a wonderful thing right now. Hell, just some schmoop would be shiny. ;-)

Comments

[punky-bruusterr.livejournal.com]

JC slammed his fist on the desk as an intentional tactic in not smashing his computer. He was just done reading his email. His album’s release date was pushed back. Again. He growled and continued to surf the net.

He heard footsteps behind him and tensed in anger. “What’s all the banging about?” “I’m busy.” “Ohh, such a tone! What’s wrong? Talk to me; I’m dyin’ over here.” JC turned around and gave Chris the death stare. “Fuck off.” Chris reeled back, a rare look of hurt flashing in his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

JC felt guilt burn in the pit of his stomach, but he continued to work. After about an hour, he felt the pull of sleep and decided to rest his head on the desk. When he was stirred from sleep, he looked up at the clock on the wall and noticed his moment of rest had actually been three hours. After peeling the piece of paper stuck to his cheek, he wondered what had pulled him from his slumber and noticed a mouth watering smell seeping into the room.

JC got up from the desk and left his office. He then traveled down the stairs and outside. He went to the other side of the yard and let out a chuckle.

There was a barbeque with corn on the cob and steaks grilling. And there was Chris. Wearing nothing but oven mitts, an apron that had “Kiss the Cook” written on it, and the smile on his face.

“Let me get this straight.” Chris chuckled. “That’d be a first for you, ya big gay-mo.” JC shook his head.

“So, I act like an asshole and you make me my favorite barbequed foods AND do it naked.” Chris nodded earnestly. “And if I’m a gay-mo, than what does that make you?” Chris smirked. “A co-dependent enabler?” JC giggled and strolled up to Chris, kissing the older man on the lips.

“Did I mention I loved you?” Chris nodded. “You don’t need to tell me.” JC was taken aback by the seriousness of his lover’s tone and expression, but let out a soft chuckle when Chris used the tongs to pinch his nose. “So, medium well?”

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

As cute as the whole image is? (I love this, really....)

It would just be so much better if you'd had someone beta this for you an used a spell checker. Simple grammatical errors really distract me from a fic... I start dwelling on fixing things and don't think about the story enough.

He heard footsteps behind him and tensed in anger. “What’s all the banging about?” “I’m busy.” “Ohh, such a tone! What’s wrong? Talk to me; I’m dyin’ over here.” JC turned around and gave Chris the death stare. “Fuck off.” Chris reeled back, a rare look of hurt flashing in his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

Each time a different character speaks, you need to start a new paragraph. Also? Who heard footsteps behind him? It should have been clarified, to make things easier. So it should have read something like this:

JC heard footsteps behind him and tensed in anger. (Why was he tensing in anger? Was he mad at the person approaching him from behind?)

"What's all the banging about?" Chris asked as he entered the room. (have to identify the other man at some point, the sooner the better.)

"I'm busy," JC replied shortly. (or something to show the emotion/frustration he is likely feeling).

“Ohh, such a tone! What’s wrong? Talk to me; I’m dyin’ over here," Chris teased as he tried to get JC to smile.

JC turned around and gave Chris the death stare. “Fuck off.”

Chris reeled back as a rare look of hurt flashinged in his eyes. “Whatever you say.”

JC felt guilt burn in the pit of his stomach, but he continued to work. After about an hour, he felt the pull of sleep and decided to rest his head on the desk. When he was stirred from sleep, he looked up at the clock on the wall and noticed his moment of rest had actually been three hours. After peeling the piece of paper stuck to his cheek, he wondered what had pulled him from his slumber and noticed a mouth watering smell seeping into the room.

One of the things my beta always got on me about was using the same word/phrase too closely together - in this case, pulled or some form of it. Careful of that! ;-)

There was a barbeque with corn on the cob and steaks grilling. And there was Chris. Wearing nothing but oven mitts, an apron that had “Kiss the Cook” written on it, and the smile on his face.

Where was Chris? In front of the grill? In front of the poolhouse? Sitting on the edge of the pool?

“Let me get this straight.” Chris chuckled. “That’d be a first for you, ya big gay-mo.” JC shook his head.

*blinks* Were they both speaking here? If so, then a new paragraph was needed, as was something to identify who said which.

“So, I act like an asshole and you make me my favorite barbequed foods AND do it naked.” Chris nodded earnestly. “And if I’m a gay-mo, than what does that make you?” Chris smirked. “A co-dependent enabler?” JC giggled and strolled up to Chris, kissing the older man on the lips.

“Did I mention I loved you?” Chris nodded. “You don’t need to tell me.” JC was taken aback by the seriousness of his lover’s tone and expression, but let out a soft chuckle when Chris used the tongs to pinch his nose. “So, medium well?”

Again, are they both speaking here? Who said which? Also? What are some of their actions?

[punky-bruusterr.livejournal.com]

as much as i appreciate the writing lesson, i would have appreciated a thank you instead of OR before the "oh, i liked this, but i can't enjoy it because you don't write well" vibe set in. and i do have a beta for my fiction journal, but i don't ever feel the need to use her for ficlits AND i used a spell checker; i always type these in a word document before i post them. nobody has ever really complained about my writing style before this, so i never thought it was an issue. i have to pat myself on the back for not making some of the typical mistakes in writing, but maybe i do need some work.

but a thank you would have been nice beforehand. please keep that in mind ;)

ps

[punky-bruusterr.livejournal.com]

and please don't think i'm being snarky or bitchy - i sometimes write the way i talk. i don't mean anything nasty by it ;)

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

I guess I'm confused. Should I have said thank you, but??

And I ALWAYS have someone go over everything I write before posting. Always. They always catch stuff (even the little things) that I don't. The other thing to remember is that a spell check isn't going to catch if you type "then" and meant "the."

nobody has ever really complained about my writing style before this, so i never thought it was an issue.

I may be the only one with a complaint then. Or I could be the only one that's dared to be the bad guy and speak up. I have no idea.

Re: ps

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry, you're right I should have said thank you. I did start off by complimenting you and I am grateful--this *is* a cute idea. Often when I post things, people are generous with compliments but I really appreciate it when people take the time to give me constructive criticism. Some of the mistakes you made were very basic mechanical mistakes, and luckily those are the easiest thing to fix. It's coming up with good, cute ideas that's hard.

Re: ps

[punky-bruusterr.livejournal.com]

it's no problem really :) i thought the barbequing naked part was very *chris* i really hope you did enjoy it and i will use a beta for even the small stuff. hey, is that ryan cabrera on your icon?

[punky-bruusterr.livejournal.com]

you're not a bad guy - someone should have pointed it out to me sooner. i'm actually a journalism major, so i'm not formally used to writing in the creative sense. i put a creative spin on my stories, but it's still journalism after all.

Re: ps

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

This one? No, it's Howie Day.

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

The things I do for love.... (only for you!!)

***
JC yawned and stretched across the bed. The sun was shining, the birds were singing, he smelled coffee brewing, what more could he possibly ask for first thing in the…

Afternoon.

Heh, ok so he still liked his sleep. He heard the near hysterical pitch coming from the kitchen and realized Chris was there and from the sounds of his laughter, he wasn't alone.

Bones popping, he got out of bed and made his way to the kitchen to investigate. Standing inside of the doorway, JC smiled as he watched Briahnna Fatone standing on a stool next to Chris as he mixed something in a bowl. With his hands. Imitating the Swedish Chef from the Muppet Show.

Before JC had a chance to say anything, Joey walked inside from the patio and plucked Bri off the stool, flying her outside with her arms spread wide.

"I forgot we were doing this today."

Chris turned, hands still mushy from hamburger, and let out an exaggerated gasp, sending pieces of raw meat flying as his hands flailed about. "He has risen!"

JC rolled his eyes and made his way towards the freak in his life and rested his head on his shoulder. "Missed you this morning."

Grinning, Chris eased himself back. He stared at the mess covering his hands and glanced at the wistful look on JC's face. "Yeah?"

JC nodded. "I don't like waking up without you; I feel incomplete."

Fighting the urge to break into song, Chris blew him a kiss. "Well, be prepared for a whole lot of completeness. Your parents got here 15 minutes ago and Lance is on his way with his new "assistant." Kel and Joe brought the munchkin, and I actually got a call from the Infant."

JC smiled the smile that made his eyes crinkle and Chris's heart ping.

Chris washed his hands. “We have one dysfunctional family.”

JC sighed as he watched Chris dry his hands on his pants. “They are definitely ours.”

Chris pulled him close. “And I am definitely yours.”

JC smiled, tightening the embrace.

What more could he possibly ask for?

[msktrnanny.livejournal.com]

now look lady! ;o).. lovely. just a great simple day at the TrickC Household Of Looooooooooove.

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

I hope to be still asleep when she sees this

I'll never hear the end of it ;)

[msktrnanny.livejournal.com]

rofl!

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

*squeals and jumps up and down*

I can't believe YOU wrote TrickC! Bwahahahahahaha!!!

Thanks love. I adore it. The waking up and the Chris and Briahna and and and... Thank you!

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

You got that right!!!!

*squeals and reads again*

[darkseaglass.livejournal.com]

That was utterly, utterly charming. Thank you for posting!

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

eeeeeeeep!

I'm charming!!

Oh wait, you meant the story....

[darkseaglass.livejournal.com]

Heee! You are charming. Yes. You want me to lick you up one side and down the other, then I bet you know what to write. :-)

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

Menudo mpreg? ;)

[darkseaglass.livejournal.com]

*SPUTTERS*

*SPUTTERS MORE*

You've done it. You've knocked me speechless. Congratulations. Bwahahahahahaha.

[faithette.livejournal.com]

That was a fabulous TrickC story! Very sweet, and very "real"...

I love the details (the flying hamburger, Chris imitating the Swedish chef, the phone call from the infant...)

It was a wonderful, wonderful slice of life! It made me smile (which is quite a feat on my first day of getting up for work after vacation...)

Thank you for writing it!

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

*gasp*

I can't believe you said that. Evil!

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Whoa. That IS amazing. ;-)

[bayouskye.livejournal.com]

*hugs and pets you*

The things we do for love... for raynedanser

*snickers*

[turps33.livejournal.com]

OH! That was just perfect and lovely and just yes!

Chris pulled him close. “And I am definitely yours.”

I especially love that line, because he so is.

*beams happily*

So now you've written multiple trickc's you're going to do more right? ;)

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Didn't she just do a fantabulous job?? *sighs*

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

*cough* Hey!

[turps33.livejournal.com]

She really did.

Personally I think she has a soft spot for the pairing ;)

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Mwahahahaha

Resistance really is futile. :-D

[turps33.livejournal.com]

Exactly!

All will bow before the great trickc!

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

Right! Absolutely!

[call-me-loca.livejournal.com]

Y'all are nuts....

[raynedanser.livejournal.com]

But you lurve us! :-D (no really, you do!)

[jaciesplace.livejournal.com]

Lovely slice of domestic TrickC! Heh, who would have thought you had a TrickC story inside of you? ;)

[withdiamonds.livejournal.com]

That really wasn't so hard, was it?

[ravenbat.livejournal.com]

*dances* It's lovely! It's TrickC! *twirls*

Yay! Now, write some more! Lance showing up with his new "assistant" Chris can harass the poor person and JC can drag him away and "calm him down"

*bats eyes* Please?

[bayouskye.livejournal.com]

*blinks*

What?

[turlough]

Sweet and schmoopy!

But you're still a traitor :-)

[paperdollkisses.livejournal.com]

schmoop and beautiful! yay!