Brian/AJ

[http://users.livejournal.com/_titch/]

I'm wanting a fic with Brian/AJ, wherein Brian's mean and has issues. I need an angst fix. Kthanx. :)

Comments

[paperdollkisses.livejournal.com]

OK, I hope this doesn't come off as too preachy. It wasn't meant to.

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There was a place inside his mind that Brian didn’t like very much. It was the spot where bitterness and anger lived coupled with hurt and remorse. The one that held memories that never quite went away no matter how much time had passed. As he lay on his bed in the dark he closed his eyes tightly against the hot sting of tears then opened them wide again. Because when they were closed he relived it. The freeze frame images, the heated conversation, the broken promises, the lies.

He had tried to tell himself that it wasn’t his fault. That he had every right for acting the way he did. He had been so supportive of AJ through everything he had gone through. He didn’t understand why this one thing was so difficult. It wasn’t that he disapproved of one of his closest friends telling him he was gay. His first reaction had of course been shock and disbelief. Normal for anyone right?

It was his second reaction that had caught everyone off guard. Including himself. But suddenly everything that he’d ever known about Christianity and right or wrong was pushed through him like a red hot poker. He had reacted badly. Even though he remembered the events he didn’t remember the words. He knew they must have been awful from his memory of AJ’s face. It had gone from an expression of shock to hurt to anger to resignation. Brian had turned and slammed the door as he left the room.

He remembered stomping to his room and flinging himself on the bed where he had lain for the last few hours. His heart beating in his ears, his mind supplying condemnation after condemnation about the man he thought he knew. Fists clenched tightly at his side, entire body tense as the slurs bounced in his brain. Common sense lost in the fervor of belief.

After a time his body relaxed. Hot tears fell from his eyes, streaking down his cheeks and wetting the hair at the nape of his neck. Now it was shame that infused him. It made his body shake and hurt and tore sobs from his throat. His thoughts berated him for the shallow treatment of someone that would die for him. No matter what. He had behaved in a way that his God would not have. In a world of anger and bigotry he should be practicing tolerance and humanity. Not spreading hate like the disease it was. He shouldn’t be taking something as beautiful as friendship and stamping it down like it was worthless.

Brian took deep breaths to calm himself. His body relaxing. The twinges of guilt and distaste were still there, but there was also the love he felt for AJ. The other man's admission hadn’t lessened it at all. Just covered it up momentarily. It was still there after all. It would take a lot of work to make up for what he’d said and how he’d acted. But AJ was worth it.

[msktrnanny.livejournal.com]

oh! Very nice!

[paperdollkisses.livejournal.com]

thanks.... I was worried about it.

[http://users.livejournal.com/_titch/]

Awesome, thanks so much for writing that. I do love my sad and broken Brian.